Baby Socialization in Isolation
Some parents are worried that the pandemic may impact the emotional and social development of their children.
They are concerned about how to socialize their babies, and feeling uneasy about whether this period of isolation will stunt their friendships and relationships as they grow up.
We spoke to Sierra Richards, a stylist and mom of two boys, the youngest of which she gave birth to during the pandemic, to hear about how she’s working to socialize her baby through the constant chaos of COVID, and Amber Morgan, a DONA-trained birth and postpartum doula based in Brooklyn, NY, to get her take.
Sierra Richards, stylist and the mom of two boys
How did your pregnancy and birthing experience differ between your children, as a result of COVID-19?
For starters, my second pregnancy was a little break from the norm, because I became pregnant only 6 months after having the first. I worked my entire first pregnancy, up until my due date actually (he was 10 days late), always on my feet, and eating out. This pandemic pregnancy was definitely more relaxed; I was able to get more rest, but often felt lonely. Not being able to see my closest friends and family made me very sad. Unfortunately, (although a blessing in disguise) I was furloughed and subsequently laid off, because my employer ended up closing the store I worked at. Despite how difficult it was, those circumstances resulted in me being able to be present with my toddler, and not needing to worry about finding childcare, or dealing with work-related stress. I ate mostly home-cooked meals, and was provided fresh garden veggies from a new friend throughout the summer. Over time, I became more healthy. My second son came a couple weeks before his due date, and I was able to deliver him naturally (whereas the first was by Cesarean). I will say that doctor visits were not as easy with this pregnancy, since my partner couldn't be there to meet the doctor and get information directly; pregnancy brain is a real thing! The hospital experience was almost the same, except for the masks and only having one constant visitor, instead of two.
Are you concerned with your youngest’s ability to socialize as children normally would, due to pandemic-related isolation?
Somewhat. I was really hoping to meet other young moms, and that my kids could have play dates with children their age. Luckily, my youngest is learning from his older brother, and from his cousins who are only a few years older. I am a mom of “two under two,” so right now we’re all learning this together, and I believe further down the line I'd want them to have social interactions so they will be more cultured. As long as this virus isn't prolonged for years to come, I think we will be okay. I am in no way a trained teacher, either, so if anything I am more concerned about what they're learning, but all I can do is try my best.
Your baby is fortunate to have an older sibling to socialize with during this period; how has that impacted his experience? Have you heard from other moms/parents whose children don’t have siblings? If so, how are those children’s experiences different?
I only had the second about three months ago, so being home during the current time has been okay for us, and the baby is just happy to be here. Even though he's still a toddler, we try our hardest to engage the oldest with the baby. I have very few friends with kids, and the ones that do have pretty big families or other siblings they’ve interacted with. Most of the other women I follow or see on social media are currently pregnant or have no children to my knowledge. I was sad from not being able to be around my best friends this pregnancy, so instead of seeking interaction from other moms, I kind of shut down.
How do you think your baby has been impacted by seeing strangers in masks?
My oldest was scared of the masks in the beginning, then wanted to grab at everyone he saw. Now that it's almost been a year, I think he’s still confused about whomever approaches him with one on, and wants to remove it from their face. At least now he's used to them, and not so frightened. The newborn is always covered or asleep when we go out, so I can't read his response to masks just yet.
For other mamas concerned about how the lack of socialization in quarantine will impact their babies, do you have any tips or advice to share?
I would tell them to definitely be as present as you can with your baby and spend less time on your phone. They grow very quickly. Take your baby outside to experience nature. As we all have this pause in life, it may bring you some clarity. Try to learn patience, this is new to all of us, so don't cause extra stress for your baby by being uptight all the time, kids can sense it. Facetime and Zoom family as much as you can, or even try to connect with other moms with your baby, so they can at least see/ hear what another child is like. Make virtual play dates a thing, since kids watch other kids play on the internet anyways!
Amber Morgan, a doula and mom, also shared her personal and professional take
How has being a mom changed your work as a doula? Or did you become a doula after becoming a mom?
I completed my birth doula training 3 months before becoming pregnant and served all my birth clients in 2019 while pregnant, which was truly a new level of exhaustion! I completed my postpartum doula training while 5 months pregnant, and have unfortunately only been able to serve clients virtually due to the pandemic, and personal anxiety around being a new mom during this time. For me, learning about birth and postpartum care is one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. I absolutely love it. Having experienced pregnancy, birth, and postpartum firsthand, adds to what I can offer my clients. Labor is incredibly nuanced, and birthing people don’t always know what to ask for, or how to describe what they’re feeling. I believe my own experience has enhanced my ability to provide intuitive care.
Are you hearing from any of the mamas you support, that they are concerned about their child’s social development as a result of isolation during the pandemic?
Anxiety is absolutely elevated during the pandemic. There’s always a level of worry parents experience, but this is truly uncharted territory. A few clients have reached out to vent about worries almost all parents are having. They ask how to create a safe pod involving many families so their kids can be with their friends, how to coerce their kids to keep masks on, and how to address anxiety-induced tantrums when their children wish for their life before hand sanitizer and forced outdoor hangs. Some kids will bounce back into “normal” life once it’s available, but inevitably, there will be kids that experience ongoing anxiety due to the extreme changes we’ve all had to make.
Are you noticing any differences between kids who are a bit older and therefore socialized pre-pandemic and those who are younger?
Generally, older kids are having a much more difficult time adapting to pandemic precautions. One day they could see all their friends in daycare or school, their parents picked them up, and then they didn’t go back. Children are incredibly flexible, but older kids know what they’re missing while younger kids are being brought up in a masked world where we constantly wash our hands and have to wave to our friends from afar. It’s all they know. That being said, all kids unconsciously know they need socialization. It’s a magnetic attraction that pulls them together at playgrounds and parks.
Socialization can come organically for kiddos with siblings. Is this universally a good thing, or should parents attempt to set boundaries to limit interaction between siblings?
While too much sibling time is most likely inevitable, at the end of the day, I believe it’s so beneficial to have a sibling(s) in this isolated time. If possible, I think breaking up the days by time spent separated and together will certainly help to avoid sibling rivalries. I also believe it’s important for adults to spend one-on-one time with each child when they can, which is so much easier said than done when parents are being stretched impossibly thin.
Should parents set limits on digital interaction via FaceTime or Zoom, for instance?
Every family’s needs during this pandemic are very personal, but overall I would say staying connected to family and friends as adults and children is more important than ever. Generally I’d recommend not having a screen in front of kids more than a few hours total a day (outside of classes via Zoom). Screen time should be avoided during meals and quiet times, and shouldn’t be used as a virtual pacifier when kids have difficult moments. Of course, this is also much easier said than done!
What can parents do to cope with baby-related anxiety during this time?
As a new mom who is still dealing with postpartum depression and anxiety myself, I can’t recommend therapy enough. If postpartum disorders go untreated, they may linger for years after the baby's birth and currently, our mental health is being challenged more than ever. Self care, when you can, and however you can, is a must. Virtual parent groups are invaluable as well, and can be used as a place to vent, see and be seen, and relate to other parents. Build a community in your area by meeting other parents at your local playground, or when in doubt, search for groups on social media.
Poppy Seed Health conducted our own research into the socialization of babies and children during the pandemic, and it appears that while many parents are struggling with these concerns, the key to remember is that these are unprecedented times and no one has all the answers.
When interviewed in TodaysParent, psychologist Sheri Madigan, an expert in child development, offered this advice for parents struggling during this time: “Be forgiving of the very difficult circumstances you are under. If you are worrying or thinking about your child’s social skills, it means you are already tuning into their needs.”
For pregnancy and postpartum support, become a member of Poppy Seed Health today. Our telehealth solution gives you 24/7 access to advocates like doulas, midwives, and nurses, offering resources and emotional support when and where you need it.