NICU Support Recommendations for Friends & Relatives
Pictured: Baby Emme and mom Arlene during their 31 days in the NICU.
All Hands on Deck
Friends and family matter more than ever when a baby is in the NICU, but remember that your help might look different than you’d expect. Being present for a NICU family isn’t necessarily about showing up at the hospital in-person. You might not even meet the baby for a couple weeks or months, but there are so many ways to support the family even at a distance.
All new parents—and especially new NICU parents—are inevitably processing enormous amounts of information on very little sleep and it can honestly be hard for them to think straight. Instead of asking a broad question like “How can I help?” which can be taxing for someone who is already overwhelmed, offer up some specific ideas you know you can commit to (i.e. don’t over promise).
Pictured left: Baby Emme and dad Jared in the NICU; Pictured right: Baby Emme graduating from the NICU.
Here’s a List to Get You Started:
Check the mail
Stock the fridge
Put gas in the car or gift them a gas card
Feed their pets
Walk the dog
Water the plants
Bring them a couple rolls of quarters for vending machines
Load up a gift card for the hospital cafeteria
Offer to bring a fresh change of clothes if they haven’t been home in awhile
Put a visitor schedule together so the new parents can take breaks
Keep the Parents Fed
Never underestimate the power of food! Parents are often so focused on taking care of their little one that it’s easy to forget about themselves. Meal trains, prepared foods, UberEats gift cards, and snacks that are easy to eat with one hand (especially helpful if the birthing person is body feeding) are always appreciated and can help the new parents remember to eat.
2. Respect Boundaries
This goes beyond getting permission to post pictures of the new baby on social media. It may be that the new family really wants your presence, and they might also need space. Be sensitive to the fact that the birthing person may also be dealing with their own recovery needs and not available to communicate with you. Check in, but do so mindfully without inundating the new parents with a ton of texts and don’t take it personally if you don’t hear back right away—or at all. Instead of sending a message that asks, “Any updates on the baby?” send a gentle note that doesn’t ask for anything in return, but still makes it clear you care.
Here’s an example:
“No need to respond but I just wanted you to know I’m thinking of you and your beautiful new family. Hang in there! I’m here if/when you need me. Love you.”
3. Help Bridge Communication
If you’re a trusted confidant, offer to be a point person to help the new family communicate with loved ones. It can be extremely taxing on NICU parents to keep up with texts, phone calls, and email on top of all their new responsibilities. Facebook, email, or websites like Caring Bridge are straight-forward options for keeping a group of loved ones up-to-date (as much or as little as the new parents wish). You’ll help take the pressure off them so they can focus all their energy and attention on the new baby instead of keeping up with communication.
4. Celebrate Milestones
No matter how long or short the experience, NICU stays often feel extremely isolating to new parents and it can make all the difference to be reminded they’re not alone and that their new baby is loved. You can do this by sending cards, messages, or little gifts whenever their baby reaches a new NICU milestone like gaining weight, taking their first bottle (aka no more feeding tube!), or the big one—passing the carseat test to go home. Life in the NICU really is all about baby steps and celebrating wins, no matter how big or small.
5. Gift Considerately
Flowers may not be an appropriate gift or even permitted in the NICU. Every hospital has their own policies and might not allow flower or balloon deliveries due to the risk of allergies. Call the hospital information desk (instead of the new parents) to learn about specific NICU policies you should be aware of. Gifts for baby are always great but please don’t forget about the parents!
Other gift ideas could include:
• Journals or calendars to document milestones
• Unscented lotion for some much-needed self-care
• Boxes of calming tea (safe for lactating parent if they are body feeding)
• Books, magazines, or games to help pass the time
• Big, cozy blankets because hospitals are often chilly and adults like to be swaddled too
6. Welcome Baby Home
If and when the time comes for the baby to go home with their parents, coordinate with other loved ones to make sure their arrival feels extra special. Decorate the nursery or the front door of the family’s home, stock the fridge, put a bow-tie on their pets, etc. Graduating from the NICU is momentous for the whole family and it can be validating for the new parents to be “seen” by their loved ones this way.
7. Don’t Stop Once Baby Is Home
It’s important to keep the love and support going even after the baby graduates from the NICU. Transitioning home with a new baby can be daunting—and particularly so if the new baby is still recovering or continues to have special care needs. Keep checking in, sending food, and visiting the new family as much as they want you to. Be mindful of the fact that NICU babies have their own timelines and needs for the first couple years. You may need to be extra careful about things like germs and vaccines. Respect the parents’ boundaries and trust that they know their baby best.
Pictured: Emme and her parents 10 months later.