Why Queer Parents and Families Need to Be Seen
Guest Post By: Jaimee Estreller, Social Lead, Poppy Seed Health
Sharing the many pathways to parenthood matters because LGBTQIA+ stories are hopeful vessels and manifestations of what parenthood and familyhood could look like. To all the queer elders—the ones who chose their own families when the ones we came from didn’t know how to love us, the ones we lost at the beginning of the AIDS epidemic that could have been the queer examples of parenthood we so needed, and to those who fought, and continue to fight ,for the equal right to love and raise families—we thank you for paving the way for those who will come after you. May each step forward be easier thanks to you all. 🧡
Below are words from Poppy’s very own Jaimee Estreller (she/her) on why we need more representation of LGBTQIA+ parents and families.
It's true that, when it comes to identity and plans, queerness brings with it a mixed bag of emotions. And as I stepped into my queerness at the age of 31, the late bloomer in me was filled with incredible joy, liberation… and overwhelming anxiety.
Before then, my path to parenthood was pretty “linear,” based on what I had learned about in school, the media I was bombarded with, and the sheer immersion of my family life and friendships. Everything was and is centered around the cisheteronomative, monogamous experience. But this is an oversimplification—because infertility journeys are difficult and real. In theory, all I had to do was have unprotected sex with a sperm-producing partner and then, boom: PARENTHOOD!
Today, that is wildly different. Coming into my queerness felt like entering a parenting limbo; my previous path became a distant blur from a version of me that no longer existed. And with that came unexpected grief. What used to be pretty simple feels more complex now. I now wonder if I want to be a parent, even though I always saw myself as one. I am nurturing, caring, and quite a fabulous queer auntie, but what kind of family do I want to build knowing who I am and what I value now as I begin my polyamorous journey, too? Add the additional layer of being 33 and the constant Instagram ads I get to freeze my eggs before it’s too late. I know this is work I have to unpack on my own and sift through because parenthood in itself is life-changing, regardless of sexual orientation, gender, and relationship structure.
As someone who is at the very initial stage of it all—even googling “LGBTQIA+ parenting” is information overload. More pages led to frustration because even the most inclusive healthcare providers who cater to LGBTQIA+ conception and family planning continue to use exclusionary or outdated terms. So, where do I go after that?
Like almost every queer experience can attest to, support is usually found in the small corners of the internet and through community: Subreddits, Facebook groups, neighborhood meet-ups, virtual support groups, friends of friends, Instagram advocates, and queer and trans birth workers. What gives me solace is hearing about the path each person figured out with the help of other queer folks who figured it out before them—each path weaving together seamlessly into the vast, beautiful tapestry that is the queer experience. They figured it out, so I can too.
I wish I could see more stories, more experiences, more knowledge, more support, more access, more tools, more non-gendered affirming language, more acceptance. Just… more of the things that every non-queer person already has. I want to see the parent I could be from someone who is like me. I want to see the family that I can have from families who so beautifully chose their families filled with love and pride. And I want the mental health and emotional tools that I will need if I decide to be a parent.
Since being at Poppy, I have been able to meet birth workers who advocate for and support LGBTQIA+ family planning paths. After collaborating on the Poppy Pride guides with Jenn Rumbach—and knowing that they and other advocates exist who have the resources at the ready and who can support folks through queer conception and birth—makes me more hopeful than I ever was before.
While one month isn’t enough, Pride matters because it allows people to see others so they can dream and plan too. And I am proud to be at Poppy so I can connect with others and highlight those stories. For my future self, and for any others who need hope too.
To my elders who have fought for the rights for us to live and love freely today, I celebrate the legacy of familyhood that you created for us. I stand beside you in the same pursuit because there is no pride for some of us unless there is liberation for all.
Happy Pride!
In community,
Jaimee