War Changes Things
Traveling into a war zone for surrogacy.
BY KARA NEFF
Wartime photography has a steadfast hold on history. But, as a mother myself, the striking fragility of the recent images that display infants, children, and new and expectant mothers held captive in bomb shelters or hospital basements has been particularly gripping—gut-wrenchingly so.
And yet there’s another scenario that, as it pertains to Ukraine, I’ve seen played out more times than I can count in recent news: parents that have opted for legal Ukrainian surrogacy held in a lurch, their babies—and the women carrying them—in some hellish limbo with an uncertain outcome.
You know the saying—you’d go to the ends of the earth for your child. Which, throughout history, and most certainly before this conflict began was a commonplace figure of speech. But now, it’s a very literal truth for many parents that opted for this path to parenthood. As the war in Ukraine has unfolded, we’ve watched both senseless violence and the resolute solidarity of a nation in despair. And from our fortunate space on the sidelines, we donate to them, we mourn for them, and we silently wonder how every facet of their lives has been changed forever.
So what exactly happens when you’re faced with the unimaginable challenge of getting stuck in a war zone or finding yourself a world away from your unborn or newborn child? Some chose to walk straight into the fire. We are in awe of the parents who, undeterred by disquiet and an ambiguous idea of safety, marched on. Their heroism is not only unmatched, it’s a lesson. And their stories? They have inspired us. They are a walking legacy, proof that going to any length to secure our destinies is a surefire way to live on the right side of history.
There is no linear path towards parenthood, and rarely is the journey seamless. But, when the journey is rooted in survival, it’s infinitely more complex. As for those families that chose this legal route of surrogacy in a pre-war world one day and awoke to a nightmarish hellscape the next, we could not be more in awe of their courage and strength.
Love knows no bounds. It will always trump evil. And no matter your path to parenthood, keep the faith. You're stronger than you realize—let these brave parents be the proof.